It’s Not Your Fault

An old photo of my son.

Living a drunken life, not that kind of drunk, but drunk with life and love.

I had a client who broke down in tears and said, “It’s always my fault.”

Do you always feel like you’re suffering because it’s your fault? You feel like you’re in an endless loop of suffering. You keep making the same stupid choices — procrastinating, losing your temper, overeating, people-pleasing, overcommitting, having no boundaries, choosing questionable partners or friends, etc.

You don’t want to suffer, but you don’t know how to stop making the same choices.

I have wonderful news. It’s never your fault.

Case In Point

My son was suffering from awful growing pains for about a year.

His legs hurt constantly.

He started limping. On some days, he could barely walk.

But then my husband and I noticed something.

His legs started to feel better when he missed school and household jobs.

A few weeks ago, I started to become angry because I thought he was playing me.

I became so angry because no one likes to be played! He was making himself “sick” so that he could get out of school and work.

Next Step

I was furious. I felt like my son was trying to get out of things on purpose.

So what did I do next? I took him to the doctor last week. The doctor did a full examination and took a plethora of X-rays.

Nothing was wrong!

His legs were healthy!

Then my husband and I allowed him to stay home for 3 days to allow his legs to rest and to see if that would make a difference.

After three days, he was walking normally! Instead of looking heavy and miserable, he was laughing. Our funny, light-hearted son was back.

Lessons Learned

I thought my son was making himself miserable.

When my son returned back to health and smiles, I realized that he wasn’t making himself miserable on purpose.

He wasn’t purposely giving himself physical pain.

The pain was a manifestation of the suffering that was happening on the inside.

My heart was moved for him when I realized the emotional struggles he was having from the pressures of school, trying to fit in, not feeling seen, feeling different because he couldn’t make friends, etc.

Conclusion

You’re not at fault.

You’re doing the best job you know how to do.

Sometimes, you get stuck because of trauma. Sometimes, your current tools aren’t working anymore. You’ve outgrown them, but you don’t know where to find different tools. Or you’re scared of using different tools — like putting down people-pleasing because you’re afraid of disappointing people.

Again, you’re not at fault. You’re always doing the best job you know how to do.

And you can get out of the cycles that cause you misery and pain.

As Simone Seoul says, “You are deserving of infinite grace and infinite do-overs.”

And please remember that you’re not alone. God/Universe is always watching over and leading you to good things — even if it doesn’t seem like it.

Sending love, Lynne