Want the Truth: Here’s What You Really Need to Hear
Michelle Lehnardt:
A few years ago, Erik, Gabe, Mary, and I were on a road trip, an audiobook on self-improvement droning in the background—required for Mary’s college class, ignored by all of us. We started trading our favorite self-help tips and memes, swinging between silly and profound.
Then, I shared the most jarring advice I’d ever heard: “You write to five people who know you well. Promise you won’t take offense, and ask them to honestly tell you what you need to work on. Do it, and you’ll grow more in weeks than in five years.”
For a minute, the idea hummed in the air. We agreed it was brilliant. Our flaws are obvious to everyone but us, after all. Ask the right people, and they’ll hand you a mirror—no filter.
The car fell silent.
Few people on earth could feel safer with each other than the four of us on that road trip. We’d weathered difficulties together; spoken openly about struggles, and offered each other acceptance and unconditional love. Yet suddenly, the weight of that trust felt suffocating. Not one of us wanted to ask, “What’s wrong with me?”
So I broke the tension the only way I could:”I see how hard you’re all trying. Every day, in a hundred little ways, you’re choosing to be better. And I just want you to know—I see it. And I’m proud of you.”
You could feel the collective exhale. Sure, we could have spent the next hour dissecting each other’s shortcomings. But even among the safest people, we’re all a little fragile.
Here’s the truth: Most of us already know where we fall short. Most of us are desperately trying. We don’t need reminders of our flaws—we need people who’ll say, “I see you fighting. Keep going.”
Maybe someday I’ll ask for that brutal feedback—when I’m not already drowning in a list of things to fix (Be more patient. Listen, don’t interrupt. Stop pretending you’re not selfish…).
But today? If you send me a letter asking what you need to work on, I’ll reply honestly: “You don’t need a list of things to fix. You’re already growing in ways you don’t even realize. I’m cheering for you every step of the way.”
P.S. One of the most loving things you can do for yourself is to seek help when you’re in pain — physically or emotionally. You’re never alone. For greater healing and pain relief, please schedule a reflexology session. Love always, Lynne
